Glass Hearts
by AshesRose23
Summary: Bella Swan thought she had life all figured out.  With the sudden death of her husband, she is forced to re-evaluate the direction her life is taking and what she wants. AH. BPOV and EPOV with canon pairings.
1. Prologue

Prologue

In her later years, the only thing Bella would remember of her husband's funeral was the physical ache in her heart. The ache was so persistent, so _real_ that it drowned out the preacher's words; the eulogies of friends and families; the endless sea of sympathetic faces. It weighed her body and her soul down in ways she had never experienced before. When the pastor finally signaled the end of the service, Bella stood with the care and speed of a 90-year old woman. It was fitting for the way her body felt. As she finally stood upright from the pew, the ground swayed. The grief that came and went during the days succeeding his death suddenly pummeled her heart. A sound similar to an injured animal left her lips and black birds danced along her vision. Before she knew what was happening, strong hands were catching her as her legs failed. A familiar voice whispered in her ear. "_Shhhh._ I'm here, angel."


	2. The End

_**Author's Note:**_

_**This is my first fanfiction and my first time publishing a full-length story. I've written and published plenty of poems and short stories, and hopefully this goes just as well! For now, there is no scheduled posting of chapters; I'm just doling out the few I've already written. This story is not beta'd; I apologize for any errors. **_

_**This is NOT a Bella/Jacob story! Bella/Edward will come together as usual. Darn that lucky couple. ;)**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. All characters and the general Twilight storyline belongs to Stephanie Meyer. All else is owned by me!**_

__Chapter 1- The End

_"…Life's but a walking shadow." – _Macbeth, William Shakespeare

_March 2009_

"Jake!" I yelled up the stairs. I toed a pair of his pants lying at the foot of the stairs with a frown. This is what I get for marrying a man-child. "Jake!" I yelled again. I looked over the staircase railing and into our living room, where it currently looked like a closest had exploded. In true Jake fashion, he had come home from work and thrown his work clothes all over our living room floor. Apparently, he had then proceeded to lounge around in his boxers before working on a computer. Tiny screws, cables, wires, and tools were strewn over our dining room table. "JA-!" I was startled mid-yell by strong arms circling around my waist. "Yes, my love?" Jake's warm voice filled by ear. He was always sneaking up on me. Said he liked to "sweep me off my feet" when I was least suspecting it. I say he's full of bullshit and just liked to scare me.

"I'll give you two guesses." I replied. Although I was annoyed, I made no move to release myself from his arms. "Hmmmm. Did you want to tell me that you loved me?" I rolled my eyes. "_Noooo._" He pretended to think some more. "Did you want to get another look at your own personal eye candy?" I pretended to make gagging sounds. He promptly squeezed and lifted me over his shoulder. As he carried me over to our couch, I demanded him to put me down while beating on his back. At 5'3" and 120lbs, I did little damage to his 6'4" 200lb body. Side by side, we made a slightly awkward looking couple. He towered over me, making me look like a little girl. However, Jacob was my soul mate, my best friend. We were complete opposites, and not just in physical appearance. I was shy, reserved, and at 21, I had the maturity of a 30 year old. Jacob, on the other hand was boisterous and outgoing. When he walked in a room, he always had to make a grand entrance; his voice booming above all the others. And as for maturity? Well, if the current state of our living room was testament to his "maturity", I don't know what was. Even though he was 3 years older than me, he certainly didn't act like it. Jake threw me down on our couch, where he proceeded to get all my good tickle spots. "Stop!" I squealed. "I take it back. I take it back!" Satisfied with my surrender, Jake quit tickling me and stared down at me with a goofy grin. Once I had recovered from my giggling fit, I glared at him. Jake gave me an innocent stare. "What?" He asked. I shifted my eyes to the disarray of our living room. "Oh. That." He sheepishly climbed off of me and started picking up his clothes. I blew a breath and rolled my eyes. "Something tells me that you never put the chicken on for me, either." Jake gave a non-committal grunt. His refusal to meet my eyes was all the answer I needed.

Jacob Black was my number one; my first love. We had met in high school, not long after I had transferred to Forks, Washington to live with my dad. It was love at first sight and we had been inseparable ever since. However, it was times like these that I could actually hurt my husband. "So, what have you done since you got home at 2pm until, oh, say now?" I asked with a frustrated sigh. It was now 5:30pm. Jake worked as a computer programmer for several businesses in the area. Because the majority of his work dealt with networking and developing programs, Jake was able to do most of his work from home. He went into the office late, and got off early. My wonderful husband, though, was lazy when it came to housework. He spent most of his time off tinkering inside computers, watching movies, or playing video games. Housework was generally left up to me. I didn't mind; most of the time. As a kindergarten teacher, however, there were days when the extra help came in handy. "Babe." I started. Jake groaned, already knowing what was coming just from my tone. He dropped the clothes and turned to face me. "There are days where I find your slovenly ways kinda cute. Let me just tell you, today is NOT that day. My kids were crazy today. One student vomited on the floor. Twice. Another ate glue and had to be sent to the clinic; and I had a parent call me today and ask why I couldn't spend more one-on-one time with their child!" I took a deep breath and rubbed my forehead. My persistent headache had not left me since 8:30 that morning, when my students had first walked into the room and the chaos had begun. "All I wanted was for you to put the chicken in the oven. Is it really that much to ask?" Jake gave me a pout, letting me know that he has been thoroughly chastened. He approached me carefully before pulling me into his chest and stroking my hair. "I'm sorry, BB." He murmured. He only called me that when he knew he was wrong and was trying to make me smile again. "How about you go take a long hot bath and just lay down? I'll take care of dinner and the house." I considered his offer. Knowing Jake, the house would get cleaned, but not necessarily to, oh, say any normal person's standards; let alone those of his nitpicky wife. And as for dinner? Take-out for sure. Jacob Black did not cook on principle. I was just _so _tired. My class of 18 kindergartners were always more energetic on Fridays than any other days. It's like they could smell the freedom of the weekend and it affected their brains. I relinquished. That bath and stress-free night sounded too good to pass up. I closed my eyes as Jake soothed me. Breathing in his scent I…

_Present Day_

…Woke with a start. I immediately reached over for Jake. Surprise, surprise: he wasn't there. Almost 4 years of sleeping next to the same man every night made you astonishingly dependent on their presence. There were countless nights where I would wake unexpectedly only to find comfort in Jake's arms. He would sense me; stirring when I awoke and pull me onto his chest. I craved that now, as I had every night for the past 2 weeks. I felt disoriented and groggy. The last thing I remembered was being dismissed by the pastor for the last stage of the funeral: Jake's burial. Somehow, I had gotten from there to my bed. Someone had changed me out of my non-descript black dress into one of Jake's old school jerseys and a pair of sweats. I looked over at the alarm clock on my bedside dresser. I was astonished to see that it was now 9pm. The service had started at 3pm and had lasted maybe an hour. That meant that I had slept a full 5 hours; probably the most sleep I had gotten since his death. I listened hard for sounds coming from other parts of the house. I was currently living with my dad again, in Forks, where Jake's funeral was being, or _had been_, held. Because of the amount of friends and family Jake and I both had in Forks, it felt like the best decision. It didn't hurt that my grief rendered me unable to live by myself. The loneliness was just too unbearable. As a result, I was taking a sabbatical from Chicago, where Jake and I had built our lives together. My dad was encouraging me to stay as long as I needed to, and judging by my performance at the funeral, I would be staying a while. I took a little time to look around again at my old bedroom. My dad had left it unaltered; I still had the same green and blue striped curtains with matching bedspread. Posters of my favorite world leaders adorned the walls. My dresser even still held the same clutter from my last day at home. I had just…

_August 2006_

…finished packing the last of my clothes. I had decided to leave almost all of my other belongings here at my dad's house. It's not like I could take it anyway. College dorms were notorious for being small and crowded. I was sure that Chicago State University was no exception. I felt so giddy at the thought of escaping dreary Forks and running off to the exciting city of Chicago with Jake. Jake had stayed in Forks after graduating to take care of his father, Billy. At least, that was his excuse. It didn't take a genius to see that he was waiting for me to finish school. I had told him on numerous occasions that I didn't expect him to put his life on hold for me; I couldn't help the 3 year age difference between us. Jake's counter was that I wasn't holding him from anything; that Billy needed him. Knowing how stubborn my boyfriend could be, I ignored the fact that Billy was in better health than all of us – despite being confined to a wheelchair from an old motorcycle accident – and most certainly did NOT need assistance from his son. I also pretended to be surprised when Jake magically got a job in Chicago not long after my acceptance letter from CSU. More than anything else, I was happy that our relationship had lasted so long. So many people had called themselves giving us "advice"; warning us of the low percentage of high school relationships that actually lasted; telling tales of young couples that wasted years together, only to discover that they were incompatible. I contributed our success partly to both Jake's and my stubbornness and our drive to prove those same people wrong. Now, here we were, 4 years later, preparing to embark on yet another phase of life together.

A soft knock on my door drew me out of my thoughts. "Bella-goose?" My dad called softly. Bella-goose was a nickname he gave me when I was 5. My full name was Isabella Swan; a complete conundrum if there ever was one. I was the most disgraceful, clumsy person there was, even at age 5. I hated my name; and after reading The Ugly Duckling, I hated it even more. Who wanted to be clumsy and awkward and named after an animal that grew to be so beautiful? I was a true realist. I figured that I was doomed to be awkward – in both looks and physical ability – for the rest of my life. I boldly told my dad that I would rather be called any other bird than a swan. After much debate, we settled on Bella-goose. In my 5-year old mind – wise even then – at least geese were persistent in appearance and build. When you heard goose, you thought of, well, a goose. Eventually, the name grew to be a term of endearment between my father and I. "Hi, daddy." Charlie Swan looked older than normal as he stood in my doorway. Maybe it was the stress of having an 18 year old daughter dating a 21 year old. Maybe it was the realization that I was no longer a little girl and in a matter of hours, would be out from under him in the fast world of Chicago, Illinois. Or maybe it was just old age starting to catch up to him. Either way, it made my leaving all the more real. He glanced at the suitcases on my bed. "All packed up?" He asked. "Yep," was my reply. He only grunted in return. My father was a man of few words and even fewer emotions. After a short awkward silence, he asked: "So when's your flight?" I looked at my watch before replying: "Not until 6pm. I wanted to say my last goodbyes to Alice and Rose." Alice Cullen and Rosalie Hale had been my best friends since we were 7 years old. Coming to live in Forks made the three of us inseparable. But now, we would all be going off to blaze our own trails: Alice, to the high-end fashion world of New York, and Rose to California, where she hoped to spur an acting career. "Do you need a ride to the airport later?" "Nah; Alice is dropping me off." Another grunt. "So I guess this is the last I'll see of you for a while?" Charlie's tone seemed indifferent and merely questioning. However, he was my dad, and I knew all that was going unsaid by him. He was going to miss me. He didn't want to see me go. And he especially didn't want to go very long without seeing me. I smirked. "No daddy. Jake won't be flying out for a while and he wanted my help with the last of his stuff that needs packing. You know how unorganized he can be." Charlie gave a small smile at this. He didn't always like the age difference between Jake and I, but he at least liked to see how well I could handle him. "I'll be back in a few weeks. Plus, I'll be here just about every school holiday there is. You'll see; it'll be like I've never left."

I'll admit, I felt a little guilty running off and leaving Charlie. After my parents' divorced when I was 3, I went to live with my mom, Renee. We lived in sunny Tampa, Florida, where she met her now husband, Phil Dwyer. By then, I was 14 and only spent summers with Charlie. After Phil and Renee got married, though, I came to live with my dad. He'll never admit it, but I know he was ecstatic about having me around more. Being town sheriff doesn't exactly bring everyone knocking down your door to be your best friend. The move brought us closer; not to mention, I was always a daddy's girl at heart. "Well, that's good to hear. Just don't let Jake drag you into any trouble; you know how impulsive he is." I rolled my eyes, but mumbled a 'yes, daddy' anyway. He stood in the doorway a little longer before walking over and pulling me into a strong hug. "You'll do just fine. You're a Swan. " He mumbled. I pretended not to notice the slight wetness in his eyes when he finally let me go. Instead, I said: "I love you, daddy." He grunted before replying shortly, "I love you too, baby girl." He exited the room and I turned…

_Present Day_

… To find Alice Cullen standing in my bedroom doorway. She had snuck in while I was stuck in my silent reverie. I hadn't seen much of her since I had come back to Forks. Grief had confined me to the house and, most days, my bed. In fact, my only time seeing her had been at the funeral today. We hadn't spoken; only exchanged a quick embrace before moving to sit in separate pews in the church. She now gave me a small, water y smile. Time had done nothing to change her looks. She was still tiny; measuring only 5ft. and weighing 100lbs. However, her entire presence was larger than life. Even standing still, Alice seemed to quake with pent up energy. Her love of life was what made her my very best friend. Tears sprung to my eyes at just how little time we had spent together since going off to live our lives. But it really took little for me to cry these days anyway. "Hi, Hun." She whispered. "Hi." I rasped. She continued to stand awkwardly in the doorway for a while, hesitant to approach lest she overstep any boundaries. This kind of shocked me; the Alice I knew would have blown past whatever boundaries you had and scoffed at you for having any in the first place. I must not have been as good at hiding my fragile state as I thought I was. I opened my arms and she flung herself across the room to hug me. We clung to each other longer than we had at the church and cried the bitter tears of grief and lost time. After some minutes, she sat down next to me on the bed and held my hand. "You scared us at the church today." She finally said. I shrugged. "I scared myself. I don't know what came over me." She sighed before saying: "Dad looked you over. He thinks that you haven't been eating enough or getting enough sleep. From what Charlie tells us, that'd be a correct assumption." I didn't say anything. What was there to say? It was no secret that I was depressed. I had just lost my husband. How could I be expected to enjoy food or sleep in a bed without him, knowing that he was never coming back? "It's a good thing Edward was there. You would have certainly had some bruises on top of everything else." "Edward?" I asked. I didn't even remember him being there. Edward was Alice's older brother. We had all grown up together, along with Edward and Alice's older brother, Emmett, and our friends Jasper and Rosalie, a twin brother and sister. As we grew older, Edward talked to me less and less; sometime barely even acknowledging my presence. However, he and Jake had become best friends. It was strange that he and Jake could be so close, yet he barely spoke to me; but I had long stopped trying to understand the ways of one Edward Cullen.

"Yeah; he caught you just as you were falling. He moved faster than I thought any human possibly could." Alice nudged me teasingly. As children, and even up until I had met Jake, I had had a massive crush on Edward. I had even believed myself to be in love with him. I spent countless hours daydreaming that I was a heroine and Edward my dashing prince who would come and rescue me just as he had apparently did today. As the years wore on and Edward eventually began to blatantly ignore me, I gave up any illusions of him ever loving me back. Alice had always known of my crush. After I fell for Jake, it became an inside joke between the two of us. I shifted uncomfortably. I didn't like being reminded of my crush on Edward so close to the death of my husband. Alice, sensing my discomfort, cleared her throat before saying: "Everything was really beautiful today, Bella. You did so well with the planning." I hummed noncommittally, while avoiding her gaze. Most of the plans were made in a hazy blur. I placed my head in my hands. "I didn't even get the chance to experience the rest of it. I'm pathetic." And here the tears come; again. "I'm supposed to be strong; not make a scene at his funeral. I can't believe he's gone. Forever. He's not coming back, and I have to live the rest of my life without him. And now, I'll never have any closure." I can barely get the last sentence out as I choke on a sob. "Closure?" Alice asked. "Why did you need to see them place him in the ground for closure? That sounds more traumatizing than anything. You should remember him as he was; not as a box covered with dirt. And sweetie; you're strong enough as it is. No one expects you to be completely void of emotion. This was your husband, for God's sake!"

I knew what Alice was saying was true. It was just a matter of telling my heart that. I still felt that I should be able to pull myself together and get through the day better than I had been doing. Alice patted my leg. "Now, let's get some food in you. Doctor's orders!" She hopped off the bed and virtually dragged me out of the room and down the stairs as I dried my face. Before we made it to the kitchen where I could hear people murmuring, I remembered a question that I had for her. "Alice?" I pulled her to a stop. For someone so tiny, it was surprisingly hard. "Hmm?" She replied. "Did Edward carry me inside once we got home?" "Yeah; sure. He rode in the back with you and carried you up." I thought this over for a second before asking, "Um, well; did he, you know…?" I gestured towards my attire. She gave me a quizzical look, causing me to quickly say: "I just don't remember waking up to change out of my dress and I hate the not knowing..." I blushed as Alice raised her eyebrows. Still, she humored me as said: "Don't worry; I took control of your propriety. I made sure there were no males present when I dressed you. Which, by the way, we need to have a long, personal conversation about the state of your panties, bras, and overall wardrobe. I better never catch you in granny panties again!" She punctuated her sentence with a sharp poke in my ribs. "Ow! Yes, Frau Alice." Suddenly, she pulled me into a hug. "God, it's good to have you back." She then released me and skipped the rest of the way to the kitchen. I, however, was left pondering why my heart still fluttered at the very mention of Edward Cullen.


	3. Still Waters

_**Author's Note:**_** So sorry it's taken me so long to post this newest chapter! Between internship, term papers, and working, I've had no time to post anything. I still don't have a set posting schedule, but I'm considering every other Friday. That would make my next chapter post Nov. 11. But, to make up for my incompetence, I have made this chapter extra long. Enjoy! ;)**

**PS: My story is not beta'd, so I apologize for any mistakes!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephanie Meyers thought it up first…**

Chapter 2- Still Waters

"_Still waters run deep."_- English Proverb

_**BPOV**_

_One Week Ago_

I followed Alice into the kitchen. Immediately, all eyes were on me and all chatter ceased. Charlie was the first to speak after a prolonged silence. "How ya feeling, baby girl?" He asked hesitantly. I gave him a small smile before answering shyly. "Better." He nodded once and cast a desperate glance towards Esme, who was wringing her hands in one of the corners of the room.

Esme Cullen was the mother I'd always wanted. After spending the majority of my life living with flighty, distant Renee, Esme proved to be a much needed contrast. My dad relied on her for helping me with "feelings and girly shit" as I once overheard him tell her in a very hush-hush conversation. Summers I spent with my dad were really spent at the Cullen house, where Esme would treat us kids to glasses of lemonade and fresh-baked cookies every day. She would comfort me if the boys got too rough, or I scraped a knee – as was very often. When I came to live with my dad, she was the one to teach me about the "birds and the bees" and how a man should treat a lady. As busy as Charlie was with his job, I think he was relieved to know that I was being taken care of.

"Oh, Bella." Esme sighed and walked towards me with her arms open. She hugged me and stroked my hair while I just breathed her scent. It reminded me of summers, and warmth, and home. She pulled back and looked deep into my eyes. "My strong girl. I know this is hard for you, but I am so proud of you." She touched my face gently before moving aside. Proud? Of me? I was sure I had made a complete fool of myself at the funeral. Fainting was for actresses in dramatic movies. Not for recently widowed Bella Black in plain old Forks, Washington.

Speaking of actresses, I noticed my other best friend, Rosalie Hale, standing back in the corner. Or rather, soon-to-be Rosalie Cullen. She was holding Emmett's hand and was glaring at me. I gave a little wave, knowing her icy demeanor was just a front for the concern and sorrow she felt for me. I wasn't entirely certain that she missed Jake himself. She had always hated Jake; saying that he wasn't good enough for me and that I was too bland when with him. She tolerated him, knowing how much I loved him. Although after our marriage, her phone calls grew increasingly scarce. "Hmmph." She sniffed. "I would think that we all needed to be decontaminated with the way you've been avoiding us these days." Leave it to Rose to skip beating around the bush. I really couldn't blame her though. Even though I had been in town for almost two weeks, I had yet to receive a single one of my extended family into my presence. I avoided everyone and everything. The funeral was the first time I had ventured out of the house since flying to Forks. In fact, all of the funeral plans were made via Charlie, or the phone. I was a pathetic mess. Instantly, I felt more tears flooding my eyes. This softened Rose, who hurried to me and drew me into her arms. "I'm sorry love. I don't forgive you just yet for avoiding me, but I really shouldn't lay into you today of all days." I sniffled and gained control of myself. I didn't say anything, but I was a little bit shocked at Rose's apology. Rose never apologized for anything. I chalked it up to her being love-sick at becoming Mrs. Emmett Cullen in a few months, and that I was a grieving widow. As Rose pulled away, I looked over her shoulder at Emmett. He was hanging back and rubbing the back of his neck. When he caught my eye, his face lit up. Then, he checked himself and his demeanor became more somber. I held out my arms and he walked over to me and picked me up and gave a gentle – for him – squeeze. It was just one more addition to the feeling of home that I needed right then and there. As children, Emmett had always been my protector. He was 4 years older than me, and built like a bear. While he teased me endlessly, he made sure my feelings were never hurt, and he threatened to pound anyone who did. He'd made true on his promise on more than one occasion during the passing years. "How are you, Bells?" He whispered. I just gave a small nod. My throat was threatening to close up on me. Why had I waited so long to be with my family? After losing Jake, they were the support and love I needed. They were home.

I glanced around the room as Emmett put me down. Alice had mentioned that Carlisle Cullen was called away for an emergency at the hospital not long after checking me out. I understood; not everyone's life could be on standstill. I was grateful that he had come to the funeral to show his support, and taken his time to check me over. However, I was puzzled by the absence of Rose's twin brother, and Alice's long-time boyfriend, Jasper Hale. Before I could ask where he was, my eyes fell on Edward Cullen. He was sitting on a stool at the far end of the island in the kitchen. He was looking intently at me, but when I caught his eyes, his jaw tensed and he gave an imperceptible nod before sliding his eyes to focus on some other point in the room. Mentally, I rolled my eyes. _This_ is the man who came to my rescue today? I found that hard to believe. Here was the same brooding, cold man I had known for most of my life. There was no perceivable difference since the last…

_Two Months Ago_

…Time, apparently, was only relative to my husband. Jake had said that he and Edward would be back by 5pm. It was now 9:15pm. I sighed and pushed my salad around on my plate. This was the way it normally was with those two. Edward was generally the responsible one, but Jake was so fun, so spontaneous that it was easy to get caught up. Trust me, I was married to him. Jake had left around 4pm to pick Edward up at the airport. They were supposed to then stop by the hotel for Edward to check in before coming over for dinner. I gave up on finishing my salad. I took my bowl to the sink and dropped it in there. I wasn't angry as much as I was annoyed. Jake was your typical man-child; completely ignorant of how his actions sometimes affected others. And I was forced to be the responsible one. So here I was, cleaning up the chicken carbonara I had prepared for everyone. I guess we'd just have leftovers the next night. Once I finished cleaning up the kitchen and dishes I had set out, I poured myself a glass of wine and headed upstairs. If the boys were going to have themselves a night out, I was going to treat myself to a nice relaxing bubble bath. On my way up the stairs, I passed my phone sitting on the table. Jake hadn't had the courtesy to call and let me know of their whereabouts. However, this wasn't unusual for Jake at all. I had grown accustomed to him forgetting to call to let me know he'd be late. At first, I would grow both irate and worried and would blow up his phone. He was usually great about answering and coming straight home. As time went on, though, I just let it go. My husband would show up eventually, bearing fabulous (but generally true) tales and his quirky grin. With Jake, I'd come to learn that anything was possible. The more outrageous, the more likely it was to happen to him. Therefore, I had to be the balance he needed. Nothing special happened to me. I was your typical kindergarten teacher; home by 5, in bed by 9. Weekends were spent typing up unit plans and putting together activities for my kids.

I had just stepped into the tub when I heard keys in the door downstairs. I hesitated before wrapping myself in a towel. I figured Jake would have dropped Edward off before coming home at this hour. Imagine my surprise when I walked down the stairs to find both Jake and Edward propped up on the couch, getting ready to play Jake's Xbox 360. I gave a startled squeak and quickly turned on my heel to go back on the upstairs.

Not a good idea when you're as clumsy as I am.

I hadn't dried my feet completely, and, well, our house isn't entirely carpeted. I.E: wet feet slid on wooden stairs and Bella toppled down the stairs. Wearing only a towel. Luckily, I only fell down the remaining 3 steps. Unluckily, I lost my grip on the towel. I sat at the bottom of the staircase, slightly stunned. Quickly, I got my bearings together and scrambled to make sure I was appropriately covered. I already felt immense heat on my cheeks. The ones on my face, that is.

"Bella, baby; are you alright?" Jake was already kneeling down next to me, helping me up. "Yeah; I'm fine. Just a little surprised. I wasn't expecting Edward to be here." I peeked over Jake's shoulder at Edward. He hadn't even moved from his spot on the couch. Which stung a little more than my ass did at the time. At the mention of his name, he looked up, but when he saw I was looking at him, he quickly found interest in our pictures on the mantle. A faint blush had begun to creep up his face. I prayed he hadn't seen anything during my ungraceful tumble down the stairs.

And yet, I felt a stab of excitement at the thought that he might have. I quickly squelched _that_ line of thinking. I was over my crush on Edward. I was married to my high school sweetheart and had been for over 4 years. So when was I going to get over these butterflies in my stomach? Instantly, I felt a rush of guilt at having these thoughts when I was taken. I gave Jake a quick kiss on the cheek. "We need to talk." I whisper in his ear as I pulled back. He gave my hand a squeeze and made a scene of winking conspiratorially at Edward and making some rather unusual gestures. For his credit, Edward merely rolled his eyes and focused on the pictures again.

When we were upstairs and in our bedroom, I only had to give Jake my classic teacher-Bella look and say, "Explain." He then relapsed into this long story about how the evening had gone. After he had picked up Edward at the airport, they had stopped at a bar to get a few drinks. While there, Edward was fielding calls from an irate Tanya. Apparently, he had recently called off their engagement due to some 'suspicious character flaws' on her side. Tanya was not a happy camper. In fact, she was so unhappy; she managed to convince the manager of Edward's hotel that he (Edward) was a wanted man in several states for staying at hotels and running out on the bills. Edward was sure that she used a few of her seductive skills to seal the deal. I certainly didn't put it past her. Let's just say, after a very dramatic weekend where she accused Jake of coming onto her by asking her to 'pass the meatballs', she was not a welcome guest into our home. Anyway, Jake and Edward spent over an hour trying to repair Edward's character, but the manager was still seeing stars from his talk with Tanya. Rather than waste their breaths, and as it was getting late, Edward would just stay with us until he found a hotel for the next week. Once Jake had finished. I gave a long sigh. Against my better judgment, I decided that Edward would just stay with us. He was already here anyway. Once I told Jake, his eyes lit up and he gave me a huge kiss. "You won't regret it, babe. We'll be on our best behaviors." I snorted in response. Having those two around was worse than my little boys in kindergarten. I would just need to prepare for a week's worth of noise, mess, and incredibly immature jokes. As Jake went to tell Edward the news, I moved towards the...

_Present Day_

…door. I took a deep breath before knocking, and waited for a reply. It was only a matter of seconds before Billy Black opened the door. He moved fast for a man whose injuries had confined him to a wheelchair for life. At the sight of me, his entire face lit up. "Bella!" He exclaimed. "If it isn't my favorite daughter-in-law!" I gave him a smirk before replying: "I'm your _only_ daughter-in-law." He laughed. "Technicalities. I'm just happy you've finally made it over here to see me." Guilt rose to the back of my throat. It tasted a lot like bile. Billy had made it over to Charlie's house several times in the past few weeks. However, his bulky wheelchair prevented him from coming more often. I had only been able to stomach being in his presence for short bursts of time. He reminded me so much of Jake. Even now, it took an amazing amount of strength not to double over at the sharp sting of loss. "Come in, my dear." He rolled backwards and let me in. I followed down the hall to his kitchen. Billy was a bachelor, and was pretty self-efficient on his own. Jake's two sisters, Leah and Emily, lived in Sacramento, California with their families. They visited more often than Jake and I had been able to and made sure the house was in tip-top condition. Just like everyone else, I had yet to see my sister-in-laws, other than at the funeral.

"Coffee, Bella?" Billy asked. I nodded emphatically. I was known for my absolute adoration of coffee. As a kindergarten teacher, the stuff should come in gold bottles and have a chorus of angels following it around. Even at 1pm, as it was now, I was ready for another cup. After we both fixed our cups, we made ourselves comfortable around Billy's small kitchen table. An easy silence came over us as we enjoyed our cups. At last, I spoke. "Billy?" "Hmm?" He replied. "Well, I'm leaving for Chicago on Friday." He nodded. "Charlie might have mentioned something about that." I continued. "Well, I don't know how soon I'll be going through Jake's things, but if there's anything in particular that you want, I'll make it a priority to get it to you." Billy gave me a small smile. His eyes watered and I was reminded of the fact that while I had lost a husband, he had lost his only son. "I-I can't think of anything right now. But I'll let you know." I quickly nod and duck my head, taking interest in my coffee. For the next couple of hours, Billy and I talk easily about nothing at all. We avoid the topic of Jake at all times. When it's time for me to go, I give him a long hug and a peck on the cheek. As he walks me to door he clears his throat and says my name. "Hmm?" I turn with my hand on the doorknob. "I've thought of one thing of Jake's that I would love to have around." "What's that?" I ask. "You and your company." Lumps form in my throat. I try to clear them before answering. "I think I could manage that."

I hop in my old red truck and it starts up with a roar. It was my first car when I moved back Forks, and I was loathe to get rid of it when I moved to Chicago. Instead, I left it with Charlie as a means of transportation when Jake and I came to visit. Jake and I loved the old thing. Sometimes, he would get in a mechanic mood and work on it. I loved sitting on Charlie's porch and watching him work, the music of his curses and the metallic clang of tools filling the afternoon air. My phone chirps with a new text, the perfect distraction from my memories. It reads:

_Shopping d8 b4 U leave? I hvnt 4gttn the horror of ur unmentionables. ;)_

_-Alice_

I smile. Just the thought of spending some much needed time with my best friend lifts my spirits. Maybe it'll be just what I need to prep me for the trip back to Chicago. I think about it some and wait to get to Charlie's before sending my answer.

_Absolutely. Think 3's a crowd? I'd love to soften the ice queen while we're at it. _

Alice and I make plans for her to pick me up the next morning at 9. We would to head to Port Angeles for a day of shopping and relaxation. Despite the buzz of excitement I felt at hanging out with the girls, I did not sleep peacefully at all. My mind kept turning to…

_?_

… See Jacob collapse. I was running, running to get to him, but I wasn't gaining any ground. My screams were echoed all around me until they seemed to be coming from an entirely different source. In spite of all my efforts, I wasn't any closer to Jake. I looked down to discover the reason: my feet were stuck in glue. I pulled and pulled at my shoes to get them free. Suddenly, they released with a loud 'pop'. I tumbled backwards and fell for what felt like ages. Finally, a strong set of arms and a voice whispered: "_Shhh,_ _I'm here angel."_ I turned my head to find the source of the voice and saw…

_Present Day_

…That my phone was beeping at me that it was now 8:30am. I dismissed my alarm and groaned. My dream left me with the pain of loss, yet an eerie sense of deja-vu. I showered and dressed quickly. Alice arrived promptly at 9am just as I was putting the finishing touches on my makeup. I wrote a quick note to Charlie letting him know where I'd be for the day. Oddly enough, he hadn't been home last night for me to tell him of my plans. The absence of his cruiser as I hopped in Alice's gleaming yellow convertible told me that he either hadn't come home at all last night, or left very early this morning.

As I climbed in, I was greeted by 2 very distinct voices. One was a very high, chipper "Hi, love!" And the second was a sarcastic: "So she's not a vampire after all." I turned towards Rose, who was sitting in the backseat with her arms crossed. Rose was even bitchier in the mornings, if possible. However, she still looked impeccable. Her long blonde hair was pulled into a loose ponytail with curly tresses framing her face. She wore a red blouse, a long black skirt, and black knee-high boots. She looked the role of a movie star, and certainly acted like one. While we hadn't really kept in touch, I knew her acting career was taking off before her engagement to Emmett. Now, she was taking a break and preparing for her best role yet: Mrs. Emmett Cullen.

"How are wedding plans coming, Rosie?" I asked sweetly. I was pulling out the big guns now to melt her icy demeanor. Asking about her favorite thing in the world at the moment, _and_ using her childhood nickname. Lucky for me, it worked. She softened and for the remainder of the car ride, gushed and whined about bridesmaids' dresses, incompetent florists, and other mundane wedding details. A promise of a Grande soy caramel Frappuccino had her forgetting why she was ever mad at me in the first place. As the three of us sat down to enjoy our delicious coffee at a local cafe, I said: "How's Jasper doing? I don't remember seeing him at the house last week." In fact, I hadn't seen or heard about Jasper since flying out to Forks. The silence that followed my question was deafening. It felt like even the noise of early morning shoppers had completely stilled. Alice and Rose shared a look before Rose looked away and busied herself with stirring her drink. She might have mumbled something about it being 'their drama; not mine.' Alice sighed and put down her decaf tea, her usual morning drink. That girl needed caffeine as much as a wildfire needed gasoline; she housed enough energy for herself and everyone around her. "Jasper and I got into an argument over a month and a half ago. I wanted something…more. He didn't. Said he hadn't seen enough of the world and wanted to do more freelance photography. We said some pretty nasty things and a few days later, he was gone. He left for Portugal and no one has really seen or heard from him since. I don't even think he knows about Jake's death." The table went quiet. "I-I'm so sorry Alice. Why didn't you tell me?" Alice looked down at the table and refused to meet my eyes. "You know. Things happened. And the more time passed, the less important it seemed. You've had enough to deal with with Jake's death. You didn't need my added drama." Here, Rose butted in. "He's being a complete and total asshole anyway. We all know those two are meant for each other. Jasper just can't handle the idea of commitment. It's not like he's had the best example." Alice and I both nod our heads in agreement. Rose and Jasper saw their mother go through about 10 failed marriages in the course of their lives. Each and every time the relationship failed, she would grow depressed and completely lost in her own world. It would become the twins' responsibilities to clean the house, pay the bills, and cook while Ms. Hale (as she would always inevitably become) laid in bed and collected child support and alimony. Rose took her mother's experiences and turned them into a positive thing: she realized that love was a sacred thing to be shared with only one person. Jasper, however, grew afraid that he would end up just like his mother: alone, depressed, and worthless to society. He focused hard on being carefree, laid back, and – most importantly – unattached. His only pitfall was that he was irrevocably in love with Alice, and had been since we were children.

For the remainder of the day, we avoided all talk of Jake or Jasper. Instead, we looked around for last-minute items for Rose's wedding, and a new wardrobe for me. Despite my insistence, Rose and Alice footed the entire bill. The two were definitely not hard-up for money: Rose with her successful acting career, and Alice as an extraordinary upcoming designer. However, my pride still prevailed; it was just that the two knew how to bulldoze me completely when they put their minds to it. All too soon, Alice was dropping me off at Charlie's, with a promise for us to hang out again before I left on Friday. The sky was turning a deep grey, pink clouds lazily rolling through. As I walked towards the door, I noticed Charlie's cruiser in the drive way. Good. That meant we could spend a little more time together before I left. For the past few weeks, I had been nothing but a blubbering mess. Charlie had been there for me in his awkward way, but it was time for me to toughen up. Pretty soon, I would be headed back to Chicago, where I wouldn't have anyone to fall back on. When I walked in, Charlie was passed out on his recliner, a beer dangling precariously from his hand. I tiptoed in, gently closing the door behind me. I took the beer from his hand, set it on the coffee table in the middle of the living room, and covered him with a blanket. Given his late night out, I figured he needed the rest. I dragged my bounty from an Alice/Rose shopping trip upstairs. Once there, I realized just how exhausted I was from being dragged store to store. I fell on the bed without even bothering to undress. Within minutes, I was…

_?_

…Being kissed like I'd never been before. For a glimmer of a second, I was reminded of times Jake and I would drive to the cliffs at La Push. Our haphazard make-out sessions growing more experienced and heated as our relationship wore on. This was different than any kiss Jake had given me. His lips transmitted a constant electric pulse throughout my entire body. I was lying back on a bed softer than feathers, with his strong hands gripping my hips. My eyes were squeezed shut, reveling in the moment. Slowly and carefully, one of his hands slid up my waist. While I never opened my eyes, my mind tracked his every movement. I felt and pictured as his fingers gripped me tightly, and inched up my body at an agonizingly slow pace. When he reached my breast, I stopped breathing. I felt him smile against my lips. He moved his lips off of mine and brushed them over my cheek and my neck, where he started nibbling. I couldn't stop the moan that his actions elicited. His hand began to slowly knead my breast. I couldn't think. I couldn't breathe. I was absolutely frozen, anticipating his next move. He chuckled against my neck. "Breathe, Bella." A familiar voice whispered. Immediately, my eyes flew open. "E-…."

_Present Day_

"…dward?" I sat up quickly, and managed to fall off the bed, landing heavily on my arm. As I cradled my injured arm, and cursed my clumsiness, I thought back on my dream. Did I seriously dream of a petting session with Edward? My husband's best friend? Barely a month after my husband's unexpected death? Talk about sick! While I tried to bury the guilt that had become the invisible boulder on my shoulders, I couldn't squelch the residual feelings from my dream. I had never kissed Edward before, but apparently dream Edward was even better at it than Jacob. God, I was the worst person on this side of the northern hemisphere.

My last few days in Forks were spent in a blurry haze. I never completely forgot about my dream. It was constantly in the back of my mind, popping to the front at the most inopportune times. Playing cards with Charlie. More shopping with Alice – who was on a mission to entirely redesign my wardrobe. Or even reminiscing with Billy. The dream and steamy kisses would come forth, and my mind would turn to Edward and what kind of a kisser he was in real life and other inappropriate thoughts. All too soon, Charlie was dropping me off early Friday morning at the airport. We didn't spend much time on goodbyes; this was Charlie Swan we're talking about. I didn't think about the fact that I was returning back to Chicago, alone. Instead, I focused on mentally checking off my luggage. I was returning home with far more than I had left with; my only purchase, though, had been 4 extra suitcases to house all the things Alice had bought me. I also created a mental checklist of everything I would have to do when I got to Chicago, such as reporting to school and jumping back into teacher mode. A substitute had taken over my kindergarten class while I was away, but I needed to get back and finish prepping lesson plans, beginning of the year assessments, etc. I had a lot of phone calls to make to insurance providers, tax collectors, etc. Before I knew it, I had gone through 2 layovers and was landing in Chicago. I gathered my luggage and caught a taxi home.

When I walked through the door, it hit me. I was home. Alone. And Jake was never coming back.

That's when I knew I was moving back to Forks.

_**Author's Note:**_** In case you haven't noticed, I switch between the past and present. This will be a theme throughout the story. I'm still unsure if I'll do it this way until the end, or just until you readers are up to date with the full story. Next post: Edward's POV!**

**By the way….Reviews are always welcomed. **


	4. Love, Lies, and Long Goodbyes

_**Author's Note:**_ **Whew! It's been a loooooong 2 weeks. This is being posted a tad later than normal. Okay; screw it: a LOT later. Don't worry, I promise that I won't be posting every chapter on Friday night. As it being Veteran's Day, I've kinda deviated from the usual routine. I've been juggling class assignments, projects, quizzes, and working. However, I was able to finish Chapter 3 as promised! My internship will be finished soon and I might have a little bit more time to write. Theoretically. Until I know for sure, I'll stick to my every-other-Friday schedule. This week, Edward's POV. Enjoy. **

_**Disclaimer:**_** Darn that Stephanie Myers. She owns all things Twilight. I own a beat up Monte Carlo…**

Chapter 3- Love, Lies, and Long Goodbyes

"_I would never lie. I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation"_ -Fox Mulder

_**EPOV**_

_Present Day_

I laid in bed long after my alarm clock went off, thinking over past events. Where the hell had my life gone? It seemed like everything was turned upside down, and I didn't know how to deal with it all. My best friend was dead. I wanted to call him up and vent about that craziness. I would usually get halfway through dialing his number before remembering. Then, the grief would hit me like a brick wall all over again. Want to hear something even more fucked up?

I was in love with his wife.

Bella Swan, as she had been when I first met her over a decade ago, was like a drug to me. Her presence both soothed and excited me, and I felt an everlasting need to be near her. So, like the fuck-up I am, I distanced myself as much as I could. It wasn't always that way; when we were younger, it was all I could do to spend every waking moment with her when she visited her dad for the summer. Even with a 4-year age difference, I still made sure whatever games we played she could easily participate in. However, with time, I realized that I had too many issues. I could never be to her what she was to me. So I began to withdraw. It began with declarations of her immaturity. Then, it grew to rude, teasing comments. Eventually, it bloomed to open hostility. By the time we were in high school, I was blatantly ignoring Bella and avoiding her presence as much as humanly possible. However, no matter how hard I tried to prove the opposite to the world around me, internally I knew that my heart was chained to Bella for all of eternity.

Rather than sit in bed and muse about the past, I knew more productive things had to be done. The first of these was moving the rest of my things out of Tanya's apartment. Despite being head over heels in love with Bella, she had married Jacob less than a year into college. I had hated him when they first met in high school; making it a goal of mine to try and break them up. Eventually, when I saw how happy he made her, I relaxed and he and I actually became best friends. I tried to move on with my life as well; even getting engaged to gorgeous Tanya Denali. However, I couldn't even get that right. My ex-fiancee was a nightmare, which was part of the reason I had kept my apartment even after moving in with her.

Besides, it certainly came in handy when Tanya was in one of her dramatic rampages and kicked me out, claiming I was sleeping with some receptionist at the office. God-knows how many we had gone through because of the numerous threats Tanya had placed on their lives if they so much as glanced at my nicely-sized package. Honestly, it should have come as no surprise to me that she was a manipulative creature from the pits of hell. We had met at a gala Aro Volturi – CEO of Neuro Software – was holding at the New York Palace. She was your classic ladder-climbing socialite; coming in on the arm of one of my colleagues and leaving on mine when she realized how much more I was being paid. With our explosive, possessive personalities, our relationship started with passion and a fiery lust. It quickly lost its luster. Tanya, however, was not one to give up as quickly as me. She clung to me, and my money, when she realized that she couldn't do any better. And she really couldn't. I was young, sexy, and wealthy at only 27 years old. My father, a successful physician, made sure that my siblings and I were well-established after we finished college. I had begun working for Aro – less than 6-months after graduating – as a designer in his software design department. With my persistence and cut-throat techniques, I rose quickly in the ranks and had achieved executive director status earlier this year. And working as executive director for Aro's multi-billion dollar establishment was the equivalent of being allowed to rule a pretty nice portion of the world. It involved power. And lots of money. And it was around this time that I noticed Tanya spending mine faster than I could earn it. Not only that, but she wasn't doing a damn thing to replace the earnings; claiming she wanted to purse a 'dancing career', rather than work. Little did she know that _I_ knew how her 'dancing career' had entailed stripping in her earlier days. I broke things off, determined not so spend the rest of my life trapped with a manipulative stripper, of all people. Not when there was Bella to compare her to.

So here I was, back in my condo, realizing just how much I had missed the peace and quiet of a drama-free life. I rolled over and sat on the edge of my bed. I groaned, rolling my neck to get out all the kinks of a stressful night. So much had changed in the past few months, and it was beginning to catch up on me. Thankfully, Caius Volturi, VP of Software Design, was very flexible. Because I mainly overlooked the management of designers and computer programmers, my job could be done from virtually anywhere there was a computer, or even from my phone. I showered and dressed, taking the same care and precision I normally took with all other aspects of my life. Once I had finished and carefully shaved my face and neck (the very idea of scruff made me cringe.), I threw on a military green fitting T-shirt. Well, _threw on_ might not be the best choice of words. I ironed it meticulously; making sure no wrinkles married its appearance. I used a lint brush, twice, to remove any possible fuzz or lint balls. I sprayed it with disinfectant. I all but torched the fucker to remove any conceivable imperfections. And make no mistake, my dark Levi jeans were subjected to the same procedure.

Finally, I slipped them both on and scrutinized myself in the mirror. Emerald green eyes glared back at me. I'd been told by plenty admirers that my eyes were 'enchanting'. They looked dull, empty, and vaguely angry to me. My hair, an alarming bronze color, was gelled and shaped into a haphazard style to make it look like I'd just rolled out of bed. Anything to give off the appearance that I was your average 27-year old male. However, no matter what I did for my outward appearance, that empty, angry look in my eyes never went away.

I did a thorough check of the condo before I left. Despite over 1,750 square ft. of space, I had precious little furniture. I liked it that way. My room housed a king-sized bed and a small wooden dresser. If you had opened either my dresser or my walk-in closet, you would find layers of carefully folded, yet expensive, shirts, pants, suits, underwear, and even socks. The living room had only a white couch set, a crystal glass coffee table, and a large plasma TV mounted on the wall. My kitchen had minimal appliances to clutter its white marble countertops. My condo looked more like a magazine model than a home; which is exactly how I wanted it. I was too OCD to let a maid touch my things, so I refused to have one. Besides, what about me makes you think I'd let even a speck of dust go unchecked?

It took me 5 minutes to check my house. So, of course, I did it again. And then, I checked to make sure every light was off. In the process of locking the door behind me, I got anxious that I had accidently left water running somewhere. All in all, it took me 2 ½ hours from the moment I woke up to leave the house. Welcome to my own personal, OCD hell.

I drove over to Tanya's and parked my car across the street from her place. I had hoped she'd be gone by now – out spending some other sucker's money. Who knows how – I certainly didn't want to – but she always had an endless supply of money. While a good chunk of my money was spent throughout our 2-year relationship, I never paid for her apartment, phone, or credit cards; even when we lived together. Somehow, those were always taken care of. I never asked, and she never told.

God must have hated me then, because not only was Tanya home, but no sooner had I parked than she was walking out her front door. She immediately spotted my silver Volvo – it stuck out like a shiny thumb among the other shitty cars parked on the street. As she sauntered over to me, a hateful look plastered on her face, my mood immediately went from slightly anxious to …

_August 2002_

…a deep red rage towards this asshole. He was casually leaning against the wall in front of Bella. I had watched their exchange as he bumped into her when she was turning from the lunch line to walk back to our table. After steadying her and catching her tray, the punk had essentially cornered her and was now trying to get in her pants. Not that she seemed to mind. I couldn't see his face, but I could see hers, and it was beaming with a slight blush. Not for the first time, I wished I could be the reason for that look. I tore my eyes away from the love scene playing out in front of me, and stabbed at the lettuce on my tray. I sulked and brooded, feeling isolated despite the constant chatter going on around the table. Alice constantly threw me puzzled glances at my darkening mood, but I ignored her. Emmett and Jasper were used to my mood swings, and just ignored me, choosing instead to ogle Rose and Alice, respectfully.

I hated love.

Eventually, Bella came literally skipping back. She needed little persuasion from Rose and Alice before launching into a starry-eyed description of her freshman encounter with the new mysterious senior. My head began to pound from pent up rage and the constant squeals and 'No!'s and 'He didn't!'s. I turned towards the guys for support, but they were caught up in some idiotic testosterone-driven arm wrestle. The idiots. So I was forced to listen to the girls' gossip. Apparently, he had transferred from La Push's high school to grace ours with his presence. Something about his father wanting him to get a 'well–rounded high school experience'. I'm sure Forks High, and Bella, would have been better off without him. But it did explain why I didn't recognize him. La Push residents were reserved and preferred to keep to their own land. This jerk was a first and was understandably causing some serious ripples. Especially with the way all the girls were eying him like he was some piece of meat. Before I was forced to hear a nauseating description of the fucker's flirting skills, the bell rang. I couldn't move fast enough. Mr. Asshole had long gone; good, or else I might have made a beeline for his face. In all good news, I actually ended up being a few minutes early to my next class: AP Computer Science. But that wasn't really saying much; I was always early to classes. What I lacked in social skills, I made up for in smarts. I excelled in everything I did thanks to persistence and my need for perfection. I had aspirations to design and eventually run my own computer programming business. I was working hard to get into Massachusetts Institute of Technology; I had taken AP courses since freshman year and had already checked into MIT's list of required high school courses. Not to mention, I made a 2000 on the SAT the beginning of my junior year. I was planning on taking it again before I graduated; I knew I could do better than that if I really applied myself. However, don't let my geeky genius fool you; with a behemoth like Emmett as brother, I could whip anyone's ass. Not to mention, I was considered a looker at the very least by all of Forks High's female population. And no one, not even this new guy, would knock me from the top of Fork's social ladder.

Thought I was in a mood before? It dropped to sub-zero temperatures when I walked into my class and La Fucker – as I had come to think of him – was there, talking to Mr. Rodger. Mr. Rodger was the teacher for AP Computer Science and a bald, fat lazy man, who essentially let us computer geniuses run wild while here. I couldn't fathom La Fucker being smart enough to take this class; but hey, I'm sure pigs could fly. That is, if you threw them.

After the second bell rang and the late comers had finished trickling in, La Fucker finished his conversation with Mr. Rodger and scanned the room for an empty seat. And, because God hated me, the only empty chair was next to me. He strode over and plopped down in it. After a brief and tense silence (I was controlling all my impulses to start pounding on his face), he turned to me with an outstretched hand. I'm sure my mouth dropped open. Please tell me he was kidding. "Hey man, I'm Jake. I guess we're computer lab partners for now." What the hell? Was he going to ask to be my playmate after school, too? "The kids here seem pretty uptight; like they've never seen a true Indian before. You seem pretty laidback though. Ya mind showing me around the place? I barely had time to eat lunch 'cuz I was wandering around looking for this class." I took that as a yes; he actually expected us to be friends. He probably wanted to braid each other's hair and discuss how he could get in Bella's pants, with the way he was eyeing her in the lunch room. Well the delusional idiot was about to learn that Edward Cullen did not have friends who tried to fuck Bella. Bella Swan was mine. Eventually, I recovered from my shock. I felt my eyes grow cold and dark and a deep growl stirred in the back of my throat. "No," I sneered. "Listen here, La F-…"

_Present Day_

"…-uck. I said, slamming the door behind me. Tanya was way over the line; a dramatic infuriating whore who would do anything for a quick buck. Even going as far as to try and convince me she was pregnant. I'm sure it was just a ruse to hit me up for child support. I was just glad to have gotten out of there as quickly as I did. I now had the last of my things and would go back to avoiding her. I thought back to earlier. I hadn't even opened my door good before she laid into me; screaming and saying how I had ruined her life. Whatever that was supposed to mean. I personally believed that she couldn't accept the finality of our relationship; it was that way from the day I broke up with her. I had done so on a lunch date in a public restaurant; hoping to keep it neutral and provide enough of a buffer in case she caused a scene. It was worse than what I expected. She threw several wine glasses at me, called me every name in the book, and proceeded to physically beat on me. After a few bystanders pulled her off of me, she fled the scene. I was left needing 4 stitches on each of my arms, the bill for the table she took the wine glasses from, and a fine for disturbing the peace. Tanya's final spiteful act: having me pay out more money on her foolishness. From then on, I avoided her; choosing to make contact via email and text messages for how to get the rest of my stuff and how to let our families know. She was vindictive and out for blood; trying to keep up the façade of our engagement by still picking out the invitations and even contacting florists. All while using my credit card of course. I quickly squelched _that_ and any access she had to my accounts. I even made a public announcement to every one of our break-up. Eventually she let up on the engagement illusion, but the harassment never ceased. No one dumped Tanya Denali. I even went and stayed with Jake and Bella for a while to get away from her; hoping that being states away would cool her off. Finally, after news of Jake's death, and months of me ignoring her calls, refusing to see her when she came to my office (eventually resulting in her receiving a no-trespassing order), Tanya's threats tapered off. This was my first time seeing her since the day of our break-up over 4 months ago. Apparently, while her threats had stopped, her hatred of me had only grown. She beat and yelled until I grabbed her arms and forcefully said, "Stop." And she did. She glared up at me and I was struck at how ugly a beautiful person can look when their heart is dark. Tanya was extremely gorgeous. She had long dark hair and perfect olive skin. She was tall; standing almost 5'10" with the most delectable legs. When she walked in a room, girls would stare at her with complete and utter hatred as she stole the attention of every male within a 5-mile radius. However, her cold, malicious heart made her look more like Maleficent to me. "Look," I growled. "I don't want to be here anymore than you want me here. Just let me get the last of my things and return your key, and I'll be out of your life forever, just how we want it."

Annnd….cue tears. Tanya's face crumpled and she replaced her witch face with that of a rejected lover. "Oh, Edward!" She cried. "Please don't leave me. I've been lost without you! I can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't sleep. Just come home. Please!" I rolled my eyes. It sounded like she had stolen her script from some daytime soap opera. Not that I would know anything like that.

Tanya was a classic actress. Had I not been subjected to her countless 'mini-performances' throughout our relationship, I might have actually believed it. Instead, my face turned stony and I said, with as much ice in my voice as I could muster, "Sounds like a personal problem. I don't want to hear that shit. I. Don't. Care. Besides, that's what psychiatrists are for. And trust me, you've given me every indicator that you need one." Tanya's face took on a completely stunned look; I had managed to shock her for once. However, she quickly recovered and slipped on a neutral mask. I had never been this harsh to her, but apparently she needed someone to every once in a while. "Very well." She said coolly. I made a sarcastic gesture of bowing and sweeping my arms, indicating for her to lead the way.

After following her up to the apartment, I made a beeline for my things. I hadn't left anything of any real importance at her apartment; a portfolio of past software programs, ideas I had jotted down, old business accounts, etc. However, they weren't things I wanted lying around in Tanya's possession; her scheming mind knew no boundaries. Come to think of it, I had never really moved any truly personal items with me to Tanya's apartment; only my clothes, current business information, toiletries, etc. Looking back, we argued and fought so much that my time was usually spent between her and my place. Tanya never even bothered to ask or talk about our odd relationship; it was just the way we were. In fact, I think we moved in more for the allure of things, rather than out of love. We were two needy people looking to fill a void, and desperate for any chance at normalcy. I, however, had long since foresaw the demise of our relationship. Tanya was the one who clung to hope and, therefore, initiated all major steps. She asked me out; she initiated sex (although, I certainly wasn't one to deny a female's advances at all); she invited me to move in; she even proposed our engagement. I was just along for the ride.

I gathered my things and placed her key beside a table lamp. When I turned to leave, though, Tanya was standing in front of the door, blocking my escape. She looked incredibly vulnerable and well, _tired_. She had her arms folded tight across her chest and was avoiding my gaze. Finally, after a long silence, she sighed. "I'm pregnant." She whispered. My sudden laughter in response to her statement made her jump in surprise. Her face registered shock before the fury I had grown accustomed to made its way across her features. "W-what the hell is so funny about that?" She hissed. "Didn't you hear me?" I wiped tears from my eyes as my laughter died down. "Oh, I heard you all right. I heard your last desperate attempt at keeping me around." I fully expected a Tanya rampage at this. Instead, she grew quiet. "I'm sorry you don't believe me. And I don't believe it any more than you do. But it's real." For a second, I was almost inclined to believe her. However, I was tired of being sucked into Tanya's delusional world. She was prone to exaggeration and even outright lying. The stint she pulled with Jacob's supposed "sexual advances" last year had left a particularly bad taste in my mouth. Had I not known the level of dedication Jacob had to Bella, or been there to witness Tanya's lies, I would have been sucked further and further into her madness. Not anymore. Jacob's death and woken something deep inside me. I needed…more. And Tanya wasn't it.

Instead, I gave a dark chuckle. "Well, it sounds more like _your_ problem. We haven't been together in over 4 months; since we broke up in fact. Exactly how far along are you claiming to be, Tanya?" "S-seven weeks." She sputtered. "But…" I cut her off. I didn't want to hear the story she had concocted. "There ya go right there. It's not mine. Now, I can't help who you go whoring with, but don't drag me into your mess. Trust me, there will be some serious repercussions if you do." She tried to speak again, but I raised my hand to signal her to stop. "Tanya." I said firmly, and darkly. "We're through. Accept it. I'm done, and when I walk out this door, I don't want to have anything else to do with you. You've made my life a living hell. And if I weren't so much of a gentleman, I'd bring down a shit-storm of epic proportions for all the little stunts you've pulled. Now, please get out of my way." Tears made their way to her eyes. However, they seemed to be real for once. I could tell by the stubborn way Tanya set her jaw, determined not to let them fall in front of me. "Fine." She mumbled, moving to the side. However, as I passed her and closed the door behind me, I could have sworn I heard her say: "But you'll regret it."

When I got in my car, I called Alice. We had always had a special connection; sometimes it was like I could read her mind and she could predict my next actions. She was the perfect choice to calm me down after my encounter with Tanya. However, I must confess that normally, it was Jake that I had turned to at times like this. He had been a brother that I could talk to and would actually listen; unlike Emmett. Emmett was more likely to only half-listen as he tested some new game he had recently designed. If Alice felt like I was treating her like a last resort, she never let on, and she certainly didn't hold it against me. "If it isn't the world's bestest big brother!" Alice chirped in my ear after only 2 rings. I smiled, Alice was just too damn happy for her own damn good. "If Emmett hears you say that, he might kill me just to be back on top." I joked. "Ha; I could take Emmett. All I have to do is call Rose and tell her that he's threatening to ruin her wedding plans. She's so uptight about the wedding that she'd kill _him_ long before he even got to you." I laughed. I was planning on traveling back to Forks in a few weeks for Rose's and Emmett's wedding. They had chosen to have a small ceremony in Forks to keep it out of the public eye. With Rose's rising acting career, and Emmett's successful gaming business, they were always in the center of the public eye. A quiet wedding was a dream come true. Alice and I fell into an easy conversation about day-to-day things before I brought up Tanya's crazy-as-a-bat house stunt. She listened without a word until I had finished. "You know, you should get as far away from that nutcase as you possibly can before she does something insane. It seems like she's a little obsessed with you." I snorted. "More like obsessed with my money. And what would you suggest?" Alice paused and seemed to consider her next words carefully. "Well, Bella has moved back to Forks. She just couldn't take being in Chicago, surrounded by Jake's memories. I really don't blame her." She mumbled the last part. Ever since Jasper's desertion, Alice hadn't been her normal bubbly and insane self. While she hid it well, I could always detect the subtle differences; the wistful sighs; the hint of sadness in her voice. She continued: "Why don't you come to Washington for a while? You always talk about getting tired of the city life. And how your job lets you work from anywhere. Besides, it'd be nice to have the crew back together. Rose and Emmett are even looking at a house for when they're not traveling." I considered it for a minute. It would be nice to be there for Alice at least. Jasper had really hurt her. Plus, I had heard that Bella was moving back. And the temptation of being in the same state, let alone the same town with her was great. I still felt that incredible draw to be near her. I had been successful in fighting it all these years, but Jake's death had awakened it with a passion. I felt that partly, as being his best friend and pretty much like a brother, I owed it to him to make sure his widow was taken care of. But the more selfish, darker side of me wanted to claim Bella as my own. Just like I had all those…

_February 2003_

…lunches were nauseating. And I'm not talking about the food; I was talking about Forks High's new dream couple: Jacob and Bella. They had been dating since November, which was about how long it took to convince Charlie to allow his 14 – now 15 – year old daughter date an 18 year old senior. Of course, being the Chief of Police allowed him to strike some fear in Jacob's heart about statutory rape and all that Charlie would do to him if he dared to mar his daughter's honor. As a result, the two of them were rarely allowed alone. According to Bella, though, they found their ways. She was wearing those infamous rose-colored glasses when it came to all things Jacob. The strange thing was, he seemed to be even more star-struck by her. He waited on her hand and foot; drove her everywhere; and sat through Charlie icy stare and magnifying glass. All to get close to a girl he barely knew. Whereas I – who had known Bella since she was 7 years old – had never even gotten a chance to hold her hand. How fucked up is that? Now, because the two of them were an item, I was forced to sit through disgusting displays of affection between them all during lunch. He would carry her chair, run back and forth making sure she had everything. All the while she would either stare at him, or sigh to Alice and Rose about how 'dreamy' he was. The first week, I couldn't make it through the entire lunch period without rushing to the bathroom to vomit. And that's what made lunches so nauseating. After week and weeks of that shit, I just couldn't take it anymore. I had started eating my lunches in the computer lab, furiously stabbing away at computer keys, trying to figure out the secrets to the computer universe. Sometimes it felt more like I was trying to uncover the secrets to _my_ universe. Alice had asked me once or twice about why I didn't eat with them anymore, but I think she could sense my feelings for Bella. I think she always could; she just never confronted me about it. She seemed to understand that I couldn't stomach Bella showing so much affection for another guy. During my isolated lunches – I was the only geek desperate enough to spend their lunches in the computer lab (Not that I minded; I was a _hot_ geek.) – I concocted plans to split Bella and Jacob apart. My first diabolical plan entailed tipping of Charlie of the pair's not-so-innocent interest in each other. This had been in September, when they began talking more and more. That had only inspired a long spiel in which Charlie actually came to the school to talk to both of them. Sadly, it didn't have the long-term effects I wanted it to have; preferably with a restraining order or even physical harm. Instead, the 3 of them – 4 if you count Jacob's dad – came to an agreement on the progression of their relationship. I was currently working on Diabolical Plan #2: Framing Jacob. It entailed stashing a pair of Bella's underwear and some marijuana in his car and tipping Charlie off yet again. How I was going to get either the underwear or weed I was still trying to work out. I hit a key particularly hard on the keyboard. My head heart. Or was it more like my heart? Whatever it was, it was affecting everything. My grades had begun to fall and I was constantly in a bad mood at home. The sooner I got out of this funk, the better for everyone. I needed to finish prepping to retake the SAT. The sooner I could get out of Forks, the sooner I could forget about "Jakella". Jake, however, just couldn't seem to take a hint. He was trying harder and harder to become my next best friend. Even though we had almost come to blows in Computer Science last fall, he still persisted. Now, I had come to accept the annoying bastard. I had moved on from nasty comments to just plain ol' ignoring him. He seemed content with just blathering on about completely idiotic things while I only pretended to listen. Speaking of the bastard, here he was now. I guess I had spent all of my lunch hour musing about Jacob Black's destruction. We still shared a Computer Science class and Jake, apparently with his own ulterior motives, insisted on sitting next to me again. I just couldn't shake this guy. "Hey man! You look like shit. What's up?" Apparently, we had moved to the point in our "friendship" that we could insult each other with ease. I hadn't received the memo. But I did take full advantage in the insulting part; that is, when I chose to speak to him. This was not one of those times. I ignored him and continued pounding away on the keys. "So," He continued, undeterred by my snub, "You ready for the SAT? Alice told me how you were going to retake it." He paused, hoping for my response. When he didn't receive it, he pressed on. "Anyway, I was hoping that maybe you could help me? I suck at tests; I always freeze up and end up crashing and burning." I was so shocked by his request, that I momentarily dropped my icy composure. "Help you?" I snorted. "The day I help you will be a cold day in…"

_Present Day_

"…Hell; I just might do it Alice." I replied, swimming back from my memories. I had ended up helping Jacob; he had turned out to be just as persistent as I was. Helping him prepare for the SAT turned out to be the end of my campaign against him. That memory made me think about how helping him had been a gigantic leap for me. It had led to gaining a best friend and, ultimately, a brother. Maybe this would lead to something even better. Alice and I ended our conversation sometime around this point. She left to take Bella's call on the other line. After disconnecting the call, I drove on, contemplating our conversation. Moving back to Forks would be a major decision, but not an impossible one. In fact, the more I thought of it, the more doable it seemed. I could handle all of my business at Neuro Software via webcasts, emails, and all things wireless. Not to mention, it would take me far away from crazy-ass Tanya. I could still keep my condo here in case I ever went stir crazy in Forks. And for the first time in over 4 months, I started feeling a bit more optimistic about my future.

But of course, because God truly regretted my existence, my beloved Volvo chose then to blow a tire.

_**Author's Note:**_ **Hope you enjoyed this week's post! Next chapter: Bella has an identity crisis and Edward starts softening up. Reviews are always welcomed. They are so welcomed, that reviewers will get a sneak peak of the next chapter. ;) **


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